I grew up on the Mary Tyler Moore show, how I fantasized about being her! She had fashion forward clothes, exciting job and super cool apartment. Mary also had a lot of good friends to keep her company, witty and had the best hair styles. She didn’t need a man! Stark contrast of how society makes you feel in every day life. I suppose I need to remind myself it was a television show set in Minneapolis and not the reality of my life in Pittsburgh.
When you are a woman past the age of thirty and still single, we should wear a shirt that says, ‘I’m single, not sick’, that way, you won’t have to see the tilted heads, pursed lips in a frown and hear the ohhhs of sadness when people find out you are not married. It doesn’t matter if you are single because of divorce or you just haven’t met the right person to make that commitment, you are examined as if you have an infectious growth on your face. Watch out, you might catch the single cooties!
I was warned by a woman while I was going through my divorce. She told me, “You are going to lose a lot of friends and not be invited out anymore.”. Of course I scoffed at the crazy ranting, believing that I was the exception to that unwritten rule or that she is just a bitter divorcee. When in fact, nobody is ever excluded from the married women vs. single women game.
You expect the friends that you make through marriage (or long time partnership) to take a side and either remain your teammate or defect to the other team. It’s only natural that when you get divorced, you divorce some mutual friends, it just comes with the territory. I remember telling one of my friends through marriage, about a recent date and her reply was, “I just can’t even talk to you anymore, I can’t relate.”. Are you kidding me? Am I that disfigured from the single cootie disease that you can’t be my friend? That was the start of The Education of Denise reality show.
What you don’t expect are those invitations, by the people on your team, to end. The dinner parties that you’ve attended for years come to a halt. Superbowl parties and informal gatherings start to disappear. It’s a very coupled world and nobody really knows what to do with you if you are not part of a duo. Funny how single men are looked upon as happy bachelors, a good catch and fortunate to be able to stick that thing in all kinds of places. I often wonder what kind of antibiotic they are using to avoid the disfiguring single cootie disease? Maybe it’s some super human force field that only men are privy to.
I remember my last invitation to a New Years Eve party, when I was talking to an acquaintance and she told me, “By the way, that is MY husband over there.”. Really sister? On a bad day I wouldn’t boink (trying to keep it G-rated) your husband! Why in the world would anyone assume that just because I am single, that all of the sudden you better hide your men folk? Was it the fact that, unlike most people, I was completely monogamous during my twenty year marriage? Is it my job of selling sexual aides? Could be, but I never have men at my parties because I know my lively hood depends on the trust of women and they will not be able to trust me if their men are present at the in home parties. My past actions and reputation never added up to “keep that hussy away from our men” attitude that I was getting.
The only reason I could come up with is, oh good gravy do I dare say it? Yeah, you married women are insecure! Please don’t be that uncomfortable about your relationship that you think every single woman is after your guy! Honestly, knowing what I know from my Pure Romance party customers, I would be more worried about your married friends!
I have dealt with my fair share of cock blockers as well. For those of you that are new to this term, this is the person that blocks you from a potential single cock. The amusing part is that cock blockers do not need to be single, in fact, my cock blockers are married. Again, very sad to think that married women will not fix you up with someone, that was clearly asking about your single friend, for the mere fact that they are fantasizing about that particular cock. I swear I do not remember Mary Tyler Moore dealing with this on her show! Sue Ann Nivens (played by the hilarious Betty White) was a a cock blocker, but she was single! And Rhoda would have never blocked Mary from potential peep!
Next week I am starting Dare to Date, a radio talk show about dating in the modern world. I keep asking myself why would anyone want to listen to me? To know that you are not alone! After my divorce, it took me three years to revamp my circle of trust and friendships. Over a year ago, I started a private Facebook group to help other women feel support, guidance and give them a place to vent or laugh about the similarities we go though. Dating is hard enough, combined with the stigmas that others put upon us, it’s near impossible if you don’t have a fabulous circle of trust. SINGLE WOMEN UNITE!
Dare to Date starts October 1st. 8pm
Here is the link to listen: http://www.talkexchangeradio.com/#!our-shows/c1flu
If you would like to be added to my woman only singles Facebook page, please go to denisetrobee.com and let me know.